An HBO documentary called “Leaving Neverland” comes out on March 3rd. It is about two men who finally become truth tellers about what Michael Jackson did to them. It is their truth. I read the comments underneath the YouTube trailer of the documentary and felt sick. Most people defend Michael Jackson and call these two men liars.
As a woman who was sexually abused as a youngster, I understand full well why it takes years to come out with this horrid truth. Like anything else, nobody can truly understand what it is like to be abused unless they have been themselves.
I know what it feels like to go through life trying to make the abuse into something else -make excuses for it or make it very small- because it is just too painful and confusing to live with. I drank to forget. I drank until getting drunk didn’t work anymore. One year into sobriety, I finally opened my mouth about my truth. Soon after, I started having mini break downs. Finally, I began intensive therapy to understand how keeping the secret of abuse for decades, negatively impacts a person. I was diagnosed with PTSD.
Memories of my abuse infiltrated my body, mind and soul so much so that ended up being the launching pad from which I made decisions. I realized everything in my life always circled back to the abuse. Staying sober in the program of AA, EMDR, as well as working intensively with a specialized therapist have been healing. Learning about this has helped me understand myself, the choices I made, how I felt about myself and my behaviors. I also learned how to use specfic techniques in response to difficult life situations so that I don’t have mini breakdowns.
Currently, I have taken a break from the intensive work as it is emotionally exhausting. It feels really good to go through life not feeling like the memories are sitting around a corner, waiting to pounce on me. My abuser lives far away, but if he ever comes to my area, I do feel myself having PTSD symptoms which can be quite debilitating. He has never acknowledged or apologized for the past. We do not speak. I am afraid of him. I am afraid if I confront him, he would become enraged and kill me.
NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO JUDGE OR DOUBT
THOSE WHO FINALLY FIND THE COURAGE
TO SPEAK THEIR TRUTH OF BEING MOLESTED.
WE DON’T JUDGE YOU FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING.
I understand why people who love those accused of molestation would want to doubt the accuser. Especially with regards to someone like Michael Jackson! He was an incredibly talented performer who was idolized by many. Nobody wants to believe something so horrific. But it is our truth.
To be abused is to have a greatly altered life.
To be abused means our power is taken away.
To speak the truth, brings our power back.
To speak the truth, heals us.
To speak the truth, allows the blossoming of our authentic selves
So please, oh please,