This was originally published yesterday and then I sent it back to draft and published Is It Possible To Be a Truth Teller and Spread Hope?
I decided to republish it because it was my truth at the time. I needed to write it to get where I am today .
On Sunday, January 6th, the first day of Epiphany, the priest of my church passed around index cards with a word written on each one. There were enough for each congregant. The word chosen would be a “tool to use to open ourselves up to God’s unexpected presence in our lives” in 2019.
Oh, goody. I love this kind of stuff. Anything that helps me discern Gods presence in my life is right up my alley.
Since I’m in the choir, I got my special word early. As instructed, I didn’t look at it until after the sermon. I felt like a kid on Christmas morning, anxiously waiting to open my first gift.
I listened to the words of the sermon and was so inspired. What word would I get?!
As the sermon ended, I turned the card over and my heart sunk.
I felt like a 5-year-old who opened the gift containing socks.
“Wait! I got this one already! Can I trade it for another?”
Initially, I did the right thing and listed everything that came to mind on the back of the card.
All the difference.
Make a difference.
Blah, blah, blah, different, different, different, mother fucking different.
The story of my life. I have always felt different. Why? Bam! Alcoholism. I wanted children, BAM! “Different” kids.
That word never escapes me and that’s the word I picked. Where’s the “normal” card? Can I do a “tradesies”?
The first draft I wrote about this day was a complete farce. I tried to make it all rosey and positive. But, I’m sorry, I just can not be rosey right now because I am annoyed. Call me childish and ungrateful, but I need a break from being different. I already completed what I listed on the back of my index card after countless conversations with God.
Can I turn it in and pick the word “normal”?
While I’m at it, perhaps I’ll take the “better attitude” card, too.